i_speak_softly | Thirty-Ninth Theory [Action]

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Thirty-Ninth Theory [Action]

[The house is too quiet today. With April sent home, Derek hiding out who-knows-where, and Leo gone to battle, it's down to just Don and Raph again - and not in their little apartment now, but in a house that feels suddenly too big.]

[Fortunately, Don has some things to occupy himself with. After making sure Raph is all right to be left alone for a few hours, he heads out to visit some friends.]

[He goes first up the path to C7, to visit Frederic - to check on the man in his roommate's absence and to deliver a certain package.]

[After that he'll circle back to C3. He needs to see a certain resident that he's been visiting frequently of late. This time, however, he won't go around to the door of the apartment. Instead he'll knock on the window. There's something they need to talk about, and this seems like a more apt way to begin the conversation.]

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[That just makes him profoundly sad.]

You... you deserve to be with somebody. Somebody wonderful.

I-I... I'm hardly that. [Robert's gray eyes are misty.] B-But... you would still... consider it? [Hesitantly, because Donatello shouldn't be saddled with Robert when he could probably do so much better.]

... you... You will need to explain so much to me. About your world. About... about being a ninja. I won't understand it well... But... I can... try.

[His free hand fiddles with his kneepad.] No one else has offered.

[Another little smile.] I'd like that.

[Robert leans a little more into the turtle. Damnit, he's terrified - his heartbeat might even be loud enough to hear - but he wants this and maybe Donatello wants it too. He can't tell.

It's been way too long since he's felt these kinds of feelings - real ones, not ones given to him by the Malnosso - and Robert's afraid, afraid of what they mean. Afraid of what they might lead to.]

... Ah, Donatello... ... Don. [The name sounds foreign but Robert says it anyway, because he remembers quite well that Donatello liked it better.]

... I... I just hope that, that if we do... if we do become partners, that I don't... ruin things again. [And he stares at his feet because the memories there are painful.]

[Don lets himself be leaned on. He might even try putting an arm around the man, but his hand is pinned and he can't figure out what to do.]

[Thinking that Robert is referring to the morning after the experiment:] You didn't. It's better this way.

[Now that the possibility - the very real, terrifying-but-enthralling possibility of having somebody who might actually want him is there, Robert can't help but be thinking of the ways in which it could fail.]

... there are still... issues, though. Like your brothers. Raphael especially - he seemed to dislike my very existence.

[... And there's still Helios. Helios, who isn't back yet - but Robert hopes he will be soon.]

Raph dislikes everybody. [- he answers immediately, though he knows there's more to it than that, and it's something he'll have to deal with. He'll put off the thought just a little longer.] Something else is on your mind?

Ah. Yes.

Somewhat. [Robert knits his fingers.] I am not sure if you recall, but...

... There is the matter of Helios. [Robert's gaze flickers downward.] I, er, have... never been p-polyamorous before and I don't know how to deal with it, nor do I know anything about how he or you would feel about that sort of thing. Or... or if it w-would even work at all. [And Robert sort of devolves into a blushing mess at this.]

You - what? [He pulls away, without even quite meaning to. He's never heard the term "polyamorous" before, but he gets the gist.] I - thought you had worked that out. [Or maybe he really had just forgotten about it.]

[That pulling away hurts because it's an obvious negative reaction.]

Ah, Don. I... I suppose that means you're monoamorous yourself? N-not that I'm not, usually, but... [Robert's voice is fearful.] ... I... I apologize. I should have said something beforehand.

... I doubt he'd be interested in this anyway and I've never been in a polyamorous relationship before and I'd probably ruin it worse than the one time with - [And he cuts himself off there because that nearly went to a very bad place. But he's still obviously apologetic.]

[Don can't hear the last part over the confusion of words that are falling out of his own mouth.] Robert, up until now I've been nonamorous. I can't even think about more than one. I don't - [About here he realizes he's talking over you, and shuts up to let you finish.]

[Robert cringes at the words - both because they drowned out his mumbled diatribe and because they have what feels like a force behind them. Like they're pelting him.]

D-Don... I...

[He tries to explain the feelings as best as possible.] I-I, I haven't felt th-this way before. But you're both... w-wonderful. Both of you. I... perhaps, perhaps it's strange to hear that - but... ... I have been alone for so long that I'm sure I have the capacity to love more than one person. Truly love.

... though... I-I... maybe I'm just, not good enough for either of you. [Robert audibly sobs, just a little bit.]

[He hunches back against the arm of the couch, burying his face in his hands.]

No, it's - it's okay. I'm not interested in Helios, but if you are... I'm used to sharing.

[Such a reaction is mixed-message city for Robert's socially inept mind.]

I-I, I wouldn't want you to be unhappy, Donatello. [Robert tries to close the distance between them, pathetically.] ... I... I b-barely understand my own feelings as it is, right now.

All... All I know is that I want to be with you...

... a-and I am so very afraid.

[He turns back towards Robert, and finds them suddenly face-to-face.]

I'm happy, Robert, I am. This is already more than I ever expected. If you want to be with both of us, and you think you can, then - I don't mind.

I...

I do.

[Donatello is close to him. Close, too close. But Robert doesn't care anymore, right now. Rejection hurt, yes; rejection hurts more than anything. But god he's lonely and finally it feels like something might just go right for once and...]

... [Robert leans forward, his gray eyes full of a mixture of desire and loneliness and panic, and takes Donatello's leathery green cheek softly in one hand. The memory of kissing Helios burns on his lips, and the memories of kissing Benjamin before then haunt his mind like a spectre - he knows this will be different, but... he wants to show that he really does care for Donatello - that maybe he loves Donatello. He doesn't know.

Maybe he'll learn.

Robert leans forward, closing his eyes, and presses his soft, yielding human lips to the turtle's beak. It's a clumsy, shameful, anxious little kiss, but it's a kiss.]

[Don makes a muted noise of surprise into Robert's mouth. He wasn't expecting this, wasn't even thinking of it, but it only takes him a moment to realize what it is.]

[It only takes him one moment more to decide it's not a bad thing.]

[He kisses Robert back as best he can, which is not very well at all. But there's a lot of earnest effort in it, if that counts for anything...]

[Robert isn't any better, of course. Their clumsy kiss probably doesn't last more than half a minute, but when it breaks, gently, Robert curls up to Donatello and sort of hides his face against the turtle's plastron.

Muffled, he mumbles against Don's chest.]

I-I... ah... W-Was... was that alright? I, I probably should have a-asked and... [He trails off. The reality that he kissed somebody of, ostensibly, his own free will is a very powerful reality.]

... [He looks silently, but almost guiltily up at Donatello, his face flushed deeply, before a weak, shy little smile emerges.]

[That smile is everything. Don folds forward, as best as a Turtle can, enveloping Robert in a protective embrace.]

The best I've ever had.

[Robert curls into that embrace. Feeling genuinely wanted like that really makes him happy. Those strong, protective arms around him... it makes everything feel alright.]

... I am glad for that. Truly. I wouldn't have wanted to have been... sub-par, for you.

[Part of Robert feels a little silly here - and there's still panic, yes. But the majority doesn't really care. He's content to just rest against the turtle's cool body.]

[Don pulls back, a little, even though he doesn't want to.]

Robert, I have to go.

Ah, are you busy? [Robert's expression is still happy, even if it falls a bit from having to break this contact with Donatello.] Please don't let me keep you.

... Unless I could assist, somehow? [It's a kind of lame attempt to try to spend more time with the turtle.]

I told Raph I would bring back some dinner, and - [He glances out the window.] It's already getting late...

[He gets up backwards from the couch, scoops up his bo and tucks it into its place behind his shell, all without taking his eyes from Robert.] I'll come again as soon as I can...

Ah, not a problem... [Robert nods. He has a responsibility, of course. That comes before anything else.] Certainly.

[And that next part earns another shy smile from Robert.] Please, feel free to. I'd very much appreciate it.

[An answering smile, furtive and honest and loving.] I'll try to use the door from now on.

[And he heads in that direction. If Robert has no more parting words, he'll let himself out.]

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Thirty-Ninth Theory [Action]

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