Seventieth Theory [Video]

[i_speak_softly]

Hello, everyone. My name is Donatello. I was just like the majority of you here in the village, until a -- an incident I cannot speak of turned me into what I am today. I have become accustomed to this form, though it does present certain obstacles in dealing with a human-centered world.

Fortunately, I have an incredible talent for creating inventions both useful and aesthetically-pleasing. [Here, the video shows some objects of indeterminate purpose, which appear to be made primarily out of gears, wires, and brass.] Due to certain circumstances, I have heretofore not been able to use this talent to benefit others, but now I am able to offer my services in developing assistive technologies for the non-human members of our community.

I am also available to fulfill requests from humans, although non-humans will be served first due to their obvious superiority. [...] I mean, their greater need.

Comments

[action]

[marinerd]

Ready!

[Jack squeezes his eyes shut. He is prepared for ANYTHING as long as it makes him AWESOME.]

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Accompanied by dramatic music and somewhat-hokey special effects, Don pours the mutagen over Jack. When the flash of light fades, what will the audience see...?]

[action]

[marinerd]

[A nerd, with his normally really mussy hair mussed up in the shape of two little wolfie ears on top of his head. Also, somehow the flash left a smudge of soot on the tip of his nose.]

Did it work?! Am I.......ferocious?

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don stares at Jack for a long minute, then flings the empty vial to the ground, smashing it into pieces.]

I have failed! My science is nearly as inferior as you still are!

[action]

[marinerd]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[He clutches his head in his hands. There might be another flash of dramatic lightning at some point.]

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don pushes Still-human!Jack towards the door of the house.]

Get out! You remind me of every disappointment I have ever suffered!

[action]

[marinerd]

[Jack stumbles meekly along, begging for forgiveness along the way.]

I can make myself better! More ferocious! WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY! Honor-bright, mate! I won't let you down. I PROMISE!

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don seizes Jack by the collar and drags him close.]

Who has the technology?

[action]

[marinerd]

[GAH. Jack is ninja-grabbed and dragged!]

I -- PEOPLE. MAGICAL PEOPLE.

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don shakes Jack like the nerdy weakling he is.]

BRING THEM TO ME.

[action]

[marinerd]

I WILL I WILL I PROMISE DON'T HURT ME!

[It's a total lie. He's going to run and hide after this and hope never to see this scary turtle ever again.]

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don will believe him anyway. He flings Jack bodily out of the house, slamming the door behind him.]

[Don't come back until you have those "magical people". Or, you know, don't come back ever.]