i_speak_softly | Fortieth Theory [Written]

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Fortieth Theory [Written]

(Also in code, but translated OOCly for your convenience.)

March 3. Weather colder than I had hoped. Snowsuit good idea, must try to replicate at home. Did a lot of thinking and made campsite by mid-afternoon. Worked through remaining daylight.

March 4. Meditated all day. Nothing.

March 5. Meditated all day. Nothing.

March 6. Meditated all day. Revising prior analysis of "nothing" -- am much better at meditating than I used to be.

March 7. Went hiking today. Weather much warmer. Area, and views from it, very interesting. Really is an ocean now -- would like to go there in the summer. Thought about a lot of things. Watched the stars come out. Talked to Derek. Missing family and friends but not ready to go back yet.

March 8. Meditated again. Think I made contact.

March 9. The string moved!

March 9 - Later. Master Splinter here. Talked to him and Mikey. Have permission to finish what I came here to do, but will have a lot to explain when I get home. Must remain focused - can't stay away from my family like this for nothing.

March 10. Feel wonderful. Want to talk to Master Splinter about so many things, but still not ready to go back.

March 11. Much progress today.

March 12. Tried using magic with bo. Liked results.

March 13. Walked today, communicated with spirit. Should have come here months ago. Understand a lot now. Ready to go home.

((Don is in the mountains for a while. Post will be updated over the course of his journey and can be used for any plotty things that need to be played out.))

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[Mike stays on guard even though he knows his brother is beat, waiting for the signal.]

[He's beat. He can't do anything. He can't even move.

Everything that's happening, it's not about him. It's not about their family. It's not about you.

Raph feels the cold wind of grief sweep through him. When he swallows, a knot of emotion betrays him. He sucks in one more sharp breath, and his face tightens, pained.

He sits up, shoulders hunched, and sucks in another pained gasp.

Don't you cry. Don't you dare cry.]

[He knows a silent yield when he sees one. He crouches down, all traces of the fight gone from his posture. He studies Raph for a moment, and then sits all the way down next to him on the floor, leaning on him slightly. Shoulder to shoulder. I'm here bro. You don't have to be strong all the time.

You can cry if you need to.]

[And he does. He sobs pathetically, then the dam breaks. He can't control it. He curls into himself, still shoulder to shoulder with his brother, and just bawls.]

[And he'll be there, shoulder to shoulder with you, as long as you need him. He won't say anything or move much until you're done.

You really did need this, didn't you.]

[He did. Probably more than you realize. He sobs like this for a solid ten minutes until he's diminished to silent tears. He can't even put words to why he's crying, he just is. He just has to, even if it's stupid. He has no other choice.]

[He can sense that there is more behind these tears than just the mess with Donnie. Though at the five minute mark he starts to get a little worried, and starts just rubbing your shell absentmindedly, putting a little soothing energy into the motion. You've got a lot to get out, and even this isn't going to fix everything. But hopefully it's a start.]

[He rests his head on Mike's shoulder, his face completely soaked with tears. His voice is thick and husky.]

I'm sorry...

For what?

[His voice is a murmur, soothing. The question is part curiosity, part invitation to talk, part gentle rebuke: what do you have to be sorry for? Tell me what you have to be sorry for. You don't have anything to be sorry for.]

Edited 2011-03-10 05:29 (UTC)

[He scrubs at his face and sniffs. Sorry for crying, mostly, but there's so many other things to be sorry for too.]

[Mike will wait for Raph to speak, letting the skin contact be enough. This is the second part. The hardest part. Getting Raph to talk.]

[He just feels tired and sick to his stomach. He doesn't want to talk.

At least he's not crying anymore.]

[Time to see to Raph's material comforts then. He'll disentangle from you slowly, murmuring that he's going to get a glass of water, and then bring it back for you, settling down in the same position he was, if you're still sitting there.]

[When Mike returns, Raph's still sitting on the floor, but has moved enough to lean his shell against the couch. Not that it matters much. His shoulders are hunched and his head is bowed. He's pretty much just hating life at the moment. The water isn't all that appetizing, but he takes it just because it's offered, giving Mike a raspy "thanks."]

[He'll settle down beside his brother, still shoulder to shoulder, and lets the silence go on for a while. Eventually he'll say, in a very low voice:]

It really bothers you that much, huh?

[His voice isn't quite stable, but at least he can get the words out.]

It's just been him and me for a long time. I-I don't...[He presses his eyes closed.] He didn't even wanna talk to you. Or me. And he just...left us.

[Mike tries, really tries, to imagine spending a whole year with only one brother. Spending a whole year without the other two, and without Splinter. And he can't really. But he does know what it's like for Don to be unreachable. And that is what hurt the very most about that horrible week.

He'll put an arm around your shoulder, Raph. Because he doesn't have the words right now.]

[Raph's content to sit like this a while, leaning into his brother, and just trying to sort out his thoughts. Man, his head's an even bigger mess than he thought. He's so glad you're here, bro.]

[He'll be here to lean on as long as you need him, absently combing through your energy, smoothing down hackles and pulling out tangles, without even being aware of what he's doing. You'll probably start to feel soothed and possibly a little sleepy, though that could just be that fact that you had a good cry and are leaning on your brother.]

[Raph sighs. Yeah, he was already tired from the crying. Not to mention all those all-nighters he's pulled are finally catching up with him. But he does feel a lot better now.]

This place sucks, but I'm glad you're back.

It's so weird to think that I've been here before and don't remember.

[It's a subject change, but his voice is still soft.]

Yeah, it happens. Hear about it all the time.

What'd we do then?

[He's asking you to tell him about a part of his life he never even knew was missing.]

Ah, I dunno. A lot of the stuff we're doin' now. Ran around, talked to people, got experimented on. Spent most of the time tryin' to figure out what the hell happened.

What kind of experiments?

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