i_speak_softly | Luceti Appointments

... I suppose that includes... learning how to hit something? [Robert actually winces as he says that.]

Learning how to throw a punch, yes.

... I see... [Robert sort of folds up a little bit. His mentality is fighting him every step of the way on this.]

And this is... e-ethically acceptable, for the sake of learning?

[Don has to ponder this for a while. Training is such a central part of ninjutsu - the only way to learn it - that its acceptability is taken for granted. Bushido certainly states that it's dishonorable to fight dirty in a friendly sparring match, but so far as Don knows the codes nowhere state that katas and sparring, in and of themselves, are ethically permissible activities.]

Well... yes. Diligent practice is a virtue.

[Robert notices this rather long pause before the answer. It's... interesting. This is not a discussion he would have ever been able to - or even would have wanted to - have on Terra; likewise, he suspects this conversation is not one Don would've found himself having often.]

... On Terra, any harm is... unacceptable, for any reason.

There... there would be no difference, what it was for. The mere fact that it happened alone is... unjustifiable.

[Quickly, as an addition:] I know things are different here. I know Terra's mindset is... not the norm. [Not common. Perhaps not even entirely sane.] But... but... [It is part of me.]

[Don doesn't know what to say to this. He can't deny that sparring can be harmful - it results not just in bruises and scrapes, but sometimes in serious injuries. He has scars from it. Still...]

Really? Even if, by hurting the person, you're helping them?

Yes. [The answer is quick and perhaps a little too decisive.] Though such a situation seems... rare to begin with, but...

[... Fresh from Terra, Robert's mindset was such that he would have stood there and let someone die, right in front of him.]

... It is why, if... if I went home, I would be... a criminal.

[Don is completely downcast at this answer. He almost can't imagine such a world. A place where people are prevented from learning self-defense, where practicing such a thing is a crime? The people there may have a right to bodily integrity, but what good is it when they have no means of protecting that right? Don is entirely in favor of a "do no harm" rule, but at the same time he appreciates being able to incapacitate people who don't adhere to the same code.]

Robert... do you think I'm a criminal?

[In a world where the slightest show of violence is so overly stigmatized that people with anger disorders routinely self-injure and even commit suicide out of shame... well, there isn't a lot of people who go against it.

... Of course, that isn't good for a species whose aggression is a normal part of its mentality.]

...

I would have, if... if all I knew was that you fought. [Softly, shamefully.] But everybody here would be. Everybody. I have not met a single other person who does not fight.

[That's hurtful. How could he not have known Robert felt this way?]

Fighting isn't evil, Robert. It's just a skill.

[Because Robert will abandon his principles if it means somebody might like him. Because Don means more to Robert than his own home.]

I know that now.

... I did not before.

[His gaze goes distant.] ... It is difficult to be... so alone in this regard.

[Don understands. Of his family, the only people he knew, he was by far the most reticent to learn to fight. It took him a long time to make his peace with the necessity of it.]

[As gently as possible:] If you want to learn self-defense, you have to be willing to spar. I don't know any other way.

[Robert nods slowly, looking down at his clasped hands in his lap. Okay. He promised he would do this. He owes it to Giles, to the painful memories that sometimes he still wakes up to of Giles dying in front of him; he owes it to his partner to try to do something that would make him happy; he owes it to everybody else not to stand there and die without trying.]

... I... I understand.

...

Maybe it will... g-get easier after awhile. [Part of him feels like he isn't even really a Terran anymore. And Terra wouldn't want him back now, would it?]

[Don doesn't answer this directly. He hadn't realized his experiment would turn so serious, but he's clearly pushed his partner past the breaking point, and he should give him some time to process and recover before he brings up anything else.]

Do you want to go out?

... It... might be best. [This room will probably become a place Robert frequents, in time, but for now things will have to be done slowly. Acclimatization will... take awhile.]

... S-Sorry, Don. I... I know I can be... strange. [Difficult.]

[Instead of answering, Don gets up and walks to the door. He won't say anything until they're both in the hallway. Then, with a very serious expression:] I love you. No matter what. I want you to do this for yourself, not for me. When and if you're ready, I'll help you learn. Okay?

[Robert, in response, reaches out to grasp one of Don's hands almost fiercely, as if by holding them he could communicate the intensity of his feelings properly.]

I love you too. Always.

... Thank you.

[And he smiles.]

[He circles his thumb over Robert's fingers, and returns the smile.]

You're always welcome to visit, if you want to watch. I won't ask you to do anything.

I... I would be glad to. [Even if only to see what happens here, in this place that Robert has never felt entirely welcome in. Even if only to be part of Don's family in a more substantial way.

He leans gently into Don's side a little, briefly; enough to show how he feels.]

[Don nuzzles Robert's hair a little - how could his partner ever think that Don meant to hurt him? - then lets him go. He still needs to finish his sets.]

Luceti Appointments

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