i_speak_softly | Luceti Appointments

... What should I... not do? [Robert's face actually falls, at this.] What do you mean...?

[He's definitely not focusing on chess anymore.]

Don't lie to the - the - [What is that word for a person who can't remember things.] The turtle with a memory problem. It's not funny.

Why would you think I was lying, Don...? [You are breaking his heart, Don...] I... I would never lie to you...

[Sure, quietly not mention things, perhaps, but that's not the same thing, is it?]

[Panicking a little - it's one thing to have your memories temporarily inaccessible, but it's another thing to be told you've forgotten a defining relationship.] Because it can't be true! You're a human, I'm a turtle, we would never -- How could I forget that? We're friends, Robert, close friends, but you're with Helios and ... and ... [And why was that so upsetting to him?] And I'm afraid you won't be my friend anymore...

...

[...

Just. Just... going to stare.

Quietly staring for a good half a minute, actually.

Finally:] I may have... k-kissed Helios, but he has... absolutely n-no interest in me...

[And more importantly:] ... besides, since when did your s-species matter in any way...?

[Don waits anxiously while Robert stares.]

He doesn't...?

[His mouth twists into a not-laugh at a cruel joke.]

If it didn't matter, I would know what was going on right now.

[Okay, being entirely serious now.]

No. He... n-never has. Not when I first asked, and it... d-did not change...

[This is painful to sit here and spell out, but clearly he's going to have to do it.]

We have been partners s-since... since February. It is... rapidly closing in on one year.

[Damnit, Don, are you going to be winter brain'd into forgetting their anniversary?]

... I would n-never leave you. For... for any reason. Good gods, Don, why would you even think...? [He trails off, his eyes stinging and his voice not really wanting to cooperate. Is this about what happened a few days ago?]

[Don leans back in his seat and crosses his arms, adopting a closed-off posture. He's trying to think backwards from what he remembers Leo telling him - obviously a lot of important context has departed for his memory's wintering grounds, wherever that is.]

[As he thinks, though, he glances sideways at Robert, taking note of the man's distress. He feels compelled to comfort him, but - is it different from what he would do for his brothers? Or for April?]

[He isn't sure...]

[Sometimes in the winter it doesn't even feel like he's talking to Don - rather, that he's talking to someone who looks exactly like Don but acts like some simplified version of him, some abstract concept of his partner.

It is very hard not to feel that way right now, not when every word out of Don's mouth batters him around emotionally.

He really doesn't remember.]

D-Don. I love you. I... h-have never loved anybody like y-you... I cannot understand how you could f-forget this... [As if it meant nothing. But this means that the memory problems run deeper than Robert could've ever anticipated.]

... I kn-know you cannot help this. B-But... but it still h-hurts, when you are so... d-distant sometimes and... and we c-cannot be together, and... [Robert's voice trails off, thins out, and then splinters like thin wood.

Then he brings a hand up to his face and sobs a little.]

[Either Robert is telling the truth, or he is a far better actor than Don's tenuous sense of reality says he should be.]

[The Turtle can only find two words.]

I'm sorry...

[There's a few tight seconds of silence, where Robert tries not to outright cry, and then he pulls himself over to Don, throws his arms around him and just clings.]

P-Please do not forget me...

[He knows, logically, Don can't promise anything. Not in this state. But maybe he wants to be lied to, because it's comforting.]

[Don stiffens a moment in startlement, then puts his arms around Robert to hold him, ignoring the tingle of mammalian heat flooding through his skin.]

I won't. I don't know where you're from or how we met, but I know you're important to me. I don't forget things like that.

[This, at least, is reassuring, but Robert still sobs into Don's plastron a few times, trying to compose himself. It's a moment later that he looks up, eyes bright with tears and a little red.]

... th-thank you...

[His words are almost whispered, through a tight throat.]

... I... I k-kissed Helios, because... because I missed being t-touched... I missed being wanted...

[Perhaps it wasn't fair to Don. Even if he'd asked beforehand...]

... but... in, in the l-long-term, it... means very little... I love you regardless of a-anything else...

[Don is able to grasp only the general concept, and he knows that the sadness he feels, based as it is on incomplete facts, is not the reaction he would be having at another time of year. Robert's reaction, though, is full and genuine, and requires a careful response if Don wants this relationship to be salvageable in the spring.]

Is there anything I can do...?

[He has nothing to worry about. Robert isn't going anywhere.]

... wh-when you can - when you want to, again... th-then physical expressions of love would... b-be nice.

Until then, I... I am uncertain. I just... [He shifts almost shamefully against Don.] ... I have no... o-outlet. Other than... fantasy...

[And, well... Helios. Not that that's much better.]

[Hugging is a physical expression of love, right? Don isn't sure what Robert means by the rest, but it seems like a good idea to keep his confusion to himself.]

[Yes, it probably is, right now.]

... ... It... is not a s-significant issue... I suppose. I just... h-hope it does not make you upset.

... Or.

... Will not, r-rather.

[Because it obviously doesn't yet.]

[Don withdraws a little, and fidgets nervously.]

I don't know how I'm going to feel about this, but... do what you think is right? I can't make decisions now...

[He looks at Robert anxiously. He can hardly remember who this man is, but he knows he trusts him.]

[What he thinks is right? Sometimes he doesn't even know what that is.]

Whatever happens, I... I am here. I love you.

I am not leaving...

[If Don will allow it, he'll gently take one of Don's hands and hold it.]

... I just... wish you c-could... remember...

[Just one more month, right? One more month of this.]

[Don pulls away, crossing his arms again.]

Please don't?

Don't what...?

[Don't leave? Don't forget? Don't touch his hands like that?]

Talk about it. I don't like to be reminded...

[... Okay. He can do that.

Although it seems like ignoring the pink elephant in the room, so to speak. It's so glaringly obvious, anyway...]

... A-Alright... my apologies.

[There was another reason he was here. He traces his way back through the conversation...]

[Oh yes.]

Are you feeling any better?

A... A little. [Admittedly. Even if the fact that he dumped his feelings out at Don's feet hasn't helped his mood much.]

Th-thank you for... for helping me.

And for... listening.

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