Luceti Appointments

[i_speak_softly]

Need a thread with Don, but don't have a post for it and don't feel like starting one? Stick it here. Please note date, time of day, location, and any relevant circumstances.

Comments

[semper_cogitans]

"Simulation". [Robert takes the opportunity to list the next few in turn, gesturing to them as it seems to help.] "Approximation" and "poor approximation", r-respectively... erm, and then... "reality", and "model", and "measurements" there, in the centre...

... Does that... help?

[i_speak_softly]

[Don takes a moment to rebuild the diagram in his mind, seeing how the concepts fit together. Then he nods. Please continue.]

[semper_cogitans]

[The rest of the introduction goes smoothly enough; there aren't any diagrams to complicate matters, and Robert can immerse himself in the odd joy of reading to his partner, recreating concepts in a way that he can follow.

The problem resurfaces, however, when he begins the Error Analysis chapter.]

... Hrm, there is a formula here... might it be, er, an i-issue to follow...?

[i_speak_softly]

[Exasperated:] Ronald.

[semper_cogitans]

[... Whelp.]

... Er... yes?

[Hesitating on the book's page, Robert glances back over at Don.]

[i_speak_softly]

[Frustrated, but also sad:] I'm not striped. I just can't - [He gestures at the book.] - do that.

[semper_cogitans]

[Not striped, what does he mean - what is a similar word to 'striped', I cannot possibly imagine how his stripes have anything to do with this -

He bites his lip, glances at Don, glances back at the book... takes another few seconds, and then... abandons the attempt in favour of bluntness.]

I realize you... c-cannot read the book w-well. That is not your fault, I just... [He shakes his head a little, more out of frustration that somehow he seems to be saying something wrong again, and then resumes -] ... I just n-need to know whether I should say it for you.

[i_speak_softly]

[Robert, why are you erring on the side of assuming Don can't understand? Don is disappointed and hurt, and he doesn't want to do this anymore.]

[He swivels away, hunching his shoulders.]

[semper_cogitans]

[Well, he's definitely gone and mucked something up here. Closing the book quietly, Robert places it to the side.

Then he glances over at Don, frowning with a look of pitiful confusion written all over his face. Where did I make a mistake this time?]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don doesn't know what to do. Trying to explain himself will likely lead to more frustration for both of them, but if he leaves then Robert won't understand what happened and there will be hurt feelings all around. He hates this but doesn't know how to fix any of it.]

[semper_cogitans]

[All Robert knows right now is that he's doing something upsetting and he has no idea what it is. This is something that has happened frequently enough for him to recognize it, but it's no less painful as a result.

Almost gingerly:] ... D-Don...?

[i_speak_softly]

[The slightest turn of his head. He can't talk, but he's listening.]

[semper_cogitans]

[That slight turn isn't very encouraging, but it's better than talking at the back of Don's head. Maybe. Robert's still not sure with this one.]

... If... if I s-said something wrong... [Think, Robert. It is not as if he can inform you of what, presently.] ... I... I do not mean to harm. Perhaps that... matters l-little, though. [He knits his fingers, wrings them gently together; doesn't know where to put them after so just keeps his hands in his lap.] ... I admit that... communication has never been my s-strong suit, even without your... present condition...

[And, well, there's that unspoken part, that not-put-into-words discomfort with something like this - something his Terran prejudices tell him is something that needs to be fixed. A problem. A detriment.]

[i_speak_softly]

[It's not about communication. It's about Robert's failure to understand what Don does and doesn't need, even after all his research.]

[Don feels trapped and helpless: he can't do anything useful, and yet he can't leave.]

[semper_cogitans]

[The problem with this is that, even after all of Robert's research, he still doesn't know Don's exact limitations - and it's so difficult for him to understand them from Don. What is the alternative, then? Presuming anything might be just as bad. Or would it?

Either way, Robert is basically just as helpless. Realizing that whatever he said didn't seem to do much, he sighs slightly and glances away.]

... I am sorry...

[It's quiet; he doesn't really know what else to say, having been defeated by the barrier of silence and indecipherability that has erected itself between them.]

[i_speak_softly]

[You're trying, he knows. And if he doesn't swallow his feelings and make amends, he'll regret it later.]

[Gathering his willpower, Don turns around, picks up the book, and puts it back in Robert's hands.]

Please. All the... things.

[semper_cogitans]

[Robert takes the book, but with an uncertain air. Should he really do this if it upsets Don?]

... I do not want to make you... u-upset, Don... I just... w-want to help...

[He glances down at the book again. What he wouldn't give to be able to make this something Don could do without struggling.]

... B-But... if you truly wish for me to continue... I will.

[i_speak_softly]

[Don nods, then looks at the floor between them. Nothing to see right now...]

[semper_cogitans]

[Robert nods himself, and opens the book again.

Though he's hesitant at first, halting when he reads, he calms down eventually and settles back into that rhythm - though not without frequent glancing over at Don to see if Don's alright still or not.

After he winds down to the end of the first chapter of the book, he seeks out Don's hand in a reconciliatory fashion, trying to take it. It's up to Don, though, whether he allows that.]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don is nonresponsive at first, merely glancing at Robert's hand as it slides into his own, but after a moment he gives it a reassuring squeeze. He's still here.]

[semper_cogitans]

[... Good. Robert smiles a little at him, wobbly-edged but genuine nonetheless.]

... Sh-shall I continue...?

[i_speak_softly]

[Shakes his head. The first chapter was about all the sitting still he could tolerate right now.]

Later?

[semper_cogitans]

Of course... [Reclosing the book - though on a nicer note this time - Robert places it next to him once more.]

... Was there something else you... would r-rather be doing? [And is his presence required for it?]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don looks at Robert speculatively, then glances towards the mats at one end of the room.]

[Cautiously:] Will you... show me what you do?

[semper_cogitans]

[... What Robert does? He's not certain what Don means, though the glance mat-ward is a clue.]

Er... do you mean the... exercises that Leonardo teaches me, or... [Is it something else?]