i_speak_softly | Fifty-Eighth Theory [Voice/Action]

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Fifty-Eighth Theory [Voice/Action]

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The person who made the little wind-up dragon... can I have another?

Action for Nezumi

[The reason Don needs another dragon is because he took the first one apart to make a camerabot for someone he doesn't even know. He hopes this was a good idea.]

[He heads to building three, floor one, room five, as he was told, and knocks five times.]

Action for Isamu

[After making that delivery, Don circles southward to the home of one Isamu Nitta. Allegedly some other people live here too, but Don has never met them. Hopefully, if they exist, they won't mind too much that a giant turtle is climbing in their window. Isamu did say to surprise him.]

Action for Buffy

[Around sundown, Don makes his way to House 7. He knocks here too, though he doesn't count how many times. He has a question to ask...]

((Housemates of the people Don is looking for are welcome to tag in, and of course the Voice part is open to anyone pinged by clockwork draconids.))

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[Robert's expression wavers slightly as he listens to this; it's obvious he's not sure how to interpret this.

Finally, almost tentatively:]

... What is... 'too much'...?

... I know I have... changed here, Don. Both for you and... and for others...

But, at what point does it... erase my identity?

I have... asked myself this question before... but I cannot find a... s-satisfactory answer.

[Don sighs, then backs towards the couch, drawing Robert with him by a gentle pinch of the sleeve.]

I've been thinking about it too. Since the experiment. I've changed so much more than I thought...

I've never seen you at home, and you don't have anyone here to help you remember. But I'll always listen, if you want to talk.

[Obediently, Robert sits down next to Don, leaning into him affectionately as they take their places on the couch.]

... It only makes sense. Identity is... such an important part of ourselves...

[He murmurs, almost to himself, as he continues this train of thought.] And here, in such... a different place, where so many different worlds and identities coexist... perhaps it is more important than ever, to establish... what that means.

[To Don:] ... I would appreciate that. Especially if I... develop something more coherent.

But I will say one thing - no matter what happens here, I will... never forget where I came from. Terra may have its many faults, but... [Softly:] It is still... my home, and... and if I ever do go back with the knowledge I have gained here, I want to... share it. Perhaps, then, it can be improved as well...

[Don settles sideways, one elbow propped on the back of the couch, his hand tucked behind his head, his other hand resting on Robert's knee.]

Have you thought about this a lot? For a long time, I mean?

... Not constantly, but... whenever identity becomes paramount. Experiments like the most recent one are... an example, but even other times where it has been called into question...

... [He leans a little against Don's side before continuing.]

... Such as when I... first decided to consider self-defense.

Do I get to hear the whole story of that?

[No, he doesn't care it's already after midnight.]

You did contribute to it, so... I suppose, if you want to. [Robert smiles a little - a bit weakly, but it's genuine.]

... Does this mean I should... say so now?

Consider it a bedtime story.

... Alright. [Robert returns Don's smile and then settles down into the couch.]

... I assume you know... at least some of the story. After all... you were the one who first explained the concept of self-defense and how it is... ethical.

... But... even though I had heard it from you, it was... not something I truly wanted to consider, until.... until Giles.

Mm. [Gently encouraging Robert to continue, if he wants to, on that painful subject. As he listens, he moves one hand to play with the scientist's hair.]

[This is both comforting and distracting enough so that Robert can continue his quiet dissertation without being too engrossed in what it might lead to.]

... You... surely must remember when you and your brothers found me there in my apartment...

... That was, er, s-several hours after... after the attack happened. When... when the Kusanagi Unit - a drastically-altered Ms. Noel Vermillion - attacked Giles...

... He... he was trying to protect me. I understand that now. But... at the time I did not expect it... It was very new to me, then, that... that i-idea that someone would... [- a shaky hesitation -] ... die for me.

It was then I realized that... that I needed to do something. So I could... prevent others' deaths from... from being in v-vain. So that it would... never happen again.

Edited 2012-05-27 06:31 (UTC)

[Don makes noises of acknowledgement as Robert speaks. There's a lot he could say to this, but the philosophy should wait for later. For now, Robert has accepted the idea of self-defense, and that's enough on its own.]

[It's one of those things that sets him apart from any other Terran he knows.]

Many Terrans would say... that v-violence would only beget more violence. That... that it would accomplish nothing.

But... but I saw the Kusanagi Unit. I... I saw how... how m-mindless that destruction was. There... there was no r-rationality, there. There was... nothing to reason with...

... Not all p-people can... can, or will, l-listen to reason.

So... so this needs to be the alternative. At least here, at least in L-Luceti...

Listen, Robert... [He hesitates, gathering his thoughts.] You're coming at this from a very different direction than I did, and I can't imagine what it must be like. But if there's anything you need, or anything you want to talk about... I'm here. I want to help.

... Th-thank you, Don.

[For awhile, Robert just gazes quietly at the floor, before he speaks up again:]

... How... how did you first learn about this, from... from Master S-Splinter?

[Don thinks, then says carefully:] He started teaching us ninjutsu before we knew what it was for. It was a game at first, something to keep us occupied. The early katas don't look like fighting...

We only learned later what he was training us to do.

...

[He can't help this next question, or the slightly-pained tone that goes with it.]

... What did you feel, when... wh-when you found out...? Was it... [He was going to say "betrayal", but he stops himself, and just trails off. The sentiment, however, hangs heavily in the air where the words ought to have been.]

[Don is silent for a long time. When he speaks, it's slowly, but at great length.]

I quit. I tried to quit. You can't win an argument like that, when you're seven.

I didn't understand why we needed to fight. Master Splinter explained it to me, and... I think that hurt more.

We didn't know about humans. They were just monsters in Sensei's stories. Not real. At six we were too old and worldly to believe in that.

By eight I had seen humans. By nine I had watched one kill another. At eleven I accepted the jo and at fourteen I took a life. In the end, Master Splinter was right.

[He stops there, fading back into his own thoughts.]

[Robert listens silently, staring at his hands the whole time. There's only the barest of flinches when Don says "monster" - it is strange, to think that at some point that's what he would be, to Don - and a slow, soft intake of breath.

Fourteen. At fourteen, Don killed someone... much like himself around that age, didn't he? A drug addict.

His fingers tremble a little, and he knits them to steady them.]

A... c-consequence of... of what your life was. What it... had to be.

[If you'd grown up with me you never would have had to -

... But would Don really be Don anymore if he had -]

It is... all a c-continuum, I suppose. Easy to... progress from one point to the next. Perhaps... perhaps too easy. [He looks at himself again.] It... only t-took me a year.

But, then again, I... suppose this is d-different, in some ways. Some... important ways.

[You get a choice.]

Everyone is different. It's as much about you as about your circumstances. Take your time and... always re-evaluate. It catches up to you if you don't.

[Robert nods slowly.] ... Re-evaluate.

... I do not regret it so far, for... for what it is w-worth. Even if I sometimes feel now that... I can never go back home...

I... I am not certain what they would... d-do to me, if I did.

[A soft "huh" as Don turns this over in his mind.]

[Does that mean he should elaborate?

After a too-long tick of silence, Robert decides it's better to do so and be chastised than not.]

... It is... the v-violence. The fact I... have the knowledge... even if I would never use it...

... To be a part of my s-society again, I would... [- this idea still bothers him -] ... need to lie to them. I would need to lie... all the time. I would need to... o-omit details of my life that have... become important. And I would be met with... the opinions of other Terrans, Terrans who felt the same way I used to, who would... deem all of you b-barbarians.

Even you. Even you, with all your... brilliance. [There is still awe in his voice when he says that.]

And... even m-me. Even me who was... once o-one of them...

[After a moment:] Do you think they're wrong? Or is violence only barbaric when there really is another way?

[That's a good question.]

... I... [He remembers the face Giles had when Mu stabbed into him, and the expression on Helios' when he was insane that one Shift and held that fireball, wanting to kill him with it -] I am... n-not certain.

I think... part of me still w-wants to say it is... inherently barbaric. The... the tactic of one who kn-knows nothing better. And is that... not t-true, in some way? That... that it is a basal reaction?

...

Yet... do such b-basal reactions... ever truly go away...?

[He doesn't even know if they are gone from Terra. What Phoenix Ikki's told him has made him think on more than one occasion, not to mention what he has learned from others.]

Fifty-Eighth Theory [Voice/Action]

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