Seventieth Theory [Video]

[i_speak_softly]

Hello, everyone. My name is Donatello. I was just like the majority of you here in the village, until a -- an incident I cannot speak of turned me into what I am today. I have become accustomed to this form, though it does present certain obstacles in dealing with a human-centered world.

Fortunately, I have an incredible talent for creating inventions both useful and aesthetically-pleasing. [Here, the video shows some objects of indeterminate purpose, which appear to be made primarily out of gears, wires, and brass.] Due to certain circumstances, I have heretofore not been able to use this talent to benefit others, but now I am able to offer my services in developing assistive technologies for the non-human members of our community.

I am also available to fulfill requests from humans, although non-humans will be served first due to their obvious superiority. [...] I mean, their greater need.

Comments

[Video] That's fine! o/

[i_speak_softly]

Part manticore? Sir, manticores are already an aberrant mix of at least three different species. I will have no part of such dark science.

[video] Hurray AND LOOK WE HAVE A THREAD AGAIN

[marinerd]

What about part liger? That is a mix of TWO different species, but a legitimate mix, sir! I've been reading up on it!

[video] YES WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

[i_speak_softly]

Your sources are incorrect, then. The original liger turned out to be illegitimate, as the lion and tiger in question were later found to be long-lost siblings.

[video] I D E K

[marinerd]

Ugh. You mean they did the nasty whilst being related?!

[Gross. Really. Come on.]

Bugger. I want to be somethin' fierce!

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

Yes, though they didn't know at the time.

Might I recommend an alligator? Powerful, resilient, and with a certain verdant attractiveness.

[video]

[marinerd]

Too scaly. I don't think the female creatures would like scaly...

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

[Affronted:] I assure you I have never lacked for female creatures.

[video]

[marinerd]

[Sadly:] I have.

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

Well of course. Look at you. I didn't know such unattractive individuals even existed.

[video]

[marinerd]

Make me MORE BETTER! Like...like a wolf.

[Desperate; pleading.]

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

[A calculating look through the camera.]

That could possibly be arranged.

[video]

[marinerd]

What would I look like when you were finished with me?

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

Strong. Handsome. ... Hairy, most likely.

[video]

[marinerd]

[All things that ladies LOVE.]

I'm in! How soon can we get started?

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

Why, as soon as I can run a few simple tests.

[video]

[marinerd]

I'm ready! I've always excelled at tests, you know!

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

Perhaps you would be so good as to come to my lab, then?

[video]

[marinerd]

Tell me where it is and I shall be there!

[video]

[i_speak_softly]

[Don replies with a map, the margins of which are filled with eldritch symbols. You can follow that, right?]

[action]

[marinerd]

[Nerd Jack, like Pirate Jack, loves maps and codes. He's going to do his darndest and will eventually wind up on Don's front steps, which look surprisingly like Robert's front steps.]

Hallo?! Anyone home? Anyone want to make a man more wolfish?

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Ominous lightning-esque flashes... flash, from the windows of the house, and then the door opens, revealing a mutant Turtle in a lab coat.]

Right this way, please.

[action]

[marinerd]

[Oblivious to ANY DRAMA, Jack does as he is told!]

Of course, of course! How long do you think it will take?

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

It's quite a painstaking process, I'm afraid, though I do try to expedite it wherever possible. I'm sure we can have you enhanced in no time at all.

[action]

[marinerd]

I can't hardly wait! My woman will truly want me again once I'm wolfish!

[Hurry UP, Don! FIX HIM!]

[action]

[i_speak_softly]

[Through the magic of television, it only takes a short montage for Donatello to run his tests and prepare a dose of mutagen for Jack. Wearing full safety gear, he presents the glowing vial.]

Are you ready?